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Offering commentary and analysis from Washington, Oregon, and Idaho, The Cascadia Advocate is the Northwest Progressive Institute's unconventional perspective on world, national, and local politics.

Tuesday, February 19th, 2019

Tim Eyman charged with misdemeanor theft; he says he didn’t mean to steal office chair

Disgraced initiative promoter and petty thief Tim Eyman has been charged with misdemeanor theft by the City of Lacey after stealing Brenton Studios Mayhart chair that was in the vestibule of the Office Depot on Sleater Kinney Road Southeast last Wednesday. Eyman, fifty-three, has gotten himself a criminal defense attorney and is now trying to argue that he’s innocent because he didn’t mean to take the chair.

“I did not… walk into an Office Depot in Lacey wearing a bright red ‘Let The Voters Decide’ t-shirt, smile for the cameras, and steal a seventy dollar chair just moments before spending $300 on two printers and after getting some life-changing good news,” said Eyman in a sworn declaration filed by his attorneys.

“The reason that doesn’t make any sense is because it doesn’t make any sense. It’s ridiculous, it’s insane, it’s completely unbelievable,” Eyman added.

Actually, what’s ridiculous, insane, and completely unbelievable is Eyman’s attempt to claim that he didn’t commit a crime because he didn’t mean to commit a crime.

The fact is, Eyman took a chair from the Office Depot in Lacey and put it in his car without paying for it. That’s theft. That’s against the law.

Eyman is a well known, shameless liar and a serial, unapologetic violator of public disclosure laws, so his sworn statement is worthless. But even supposing he was sincere, his intent is irrelevant. His actions are what matter.

Tim Eyman is a fifty-three year old man. He knows, or should know, that you don’t take goods out of a store without paying for them. You pay for your items before you take the merchandise out to your vehicle, not before. If an item is outside the store entrance, you take it inside with you, pay for it, and then walk out with it.

If Eyman didn’t mean to steal a chair, why didn’t he come back to the store and pay for it? A police officer in the employ of the City of Lacey called Eyman the same day that he stole the chair to speak with him. The officer states in his report:

I attempted to contact Eyman via telephone, [number redacted], but no one answered and so I left a voice [message] with my request for a return call.

Eyman knew, or should have known, by the end of the day on Wednesday that the police were investigating his thieving. He could have immediately attempted to make amends with an apology and payment for the chair he stole. But apparently it wasn’t until Friday, when Eyman’s crime had hit the news, that Eyman took action.

In a statement sent to reporters, Eyman stated he had called Office Depot and then the Lacey police, pledging to “cooperate fully” and “do whatever is required of me”.

Fast forward to today, and Eyman is now claiming he didn’t do anything wrong because well, gosh, he didn’t mean to. One of his two attorneys, Casey Arbenz, actually said: “We’ve all made those types of mistakes.” Laaaaaaame!

Theft is theft. Not “accidental removal”, as Eyman’s attorneys are calling it.

It has now been almost a week since this theft took place. Tim Eyman has had plenty of time to either return the chair he stole or pay for it.

His lawyers claim that they reached out to the Office Depot to make amends. But it appears that the chair has still not been returned or paid for yet.

The Washington State Republican Party is currently in the business of making excuses for Donald Trump, so we don’t expect them or the many right wing organizations in its orbit to break up with Eyman. But we sure wish they would.

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