Here’s a translation of what Comcast really meant when its publicity department pledged not to “block, throttle, or discriminate against lawful content”

We never will, but it’s very important that we be able to. But we won’t. So let us do it. Because we won’t do it. Which is why we’re spending so much money to make sure we can. But we won’t. But let us.

— Twitter user loresjoberg’s retort to Comcast’s worthless pledge to “not block, throttle, or discriminate against lawful content.” The cable giant is lobbying the FCC to abolish the net neutrality rules adopted several years ago during the Obama years.