The Rosetta Stone for Kos Diary Titles

This has got to be one of the funniest things I've read in months. If you're a Kossack you just HAVE to read this:

Those of you who are new to DailyKos may have found yourselves confused by diary titles. You notice a headline that makes a certain claim, only to find the diary itself making the opposite claim. Don't worry, you're not crazy. You're just unfamiliar with our brand of coded speak. So for you newbies, I've put together a little guide to diary titles and their translations.

Bush admits that war was mistake!
Bush made an off-the-cuff remark, that loosely interpreted could imply that he was admitting an error, but was obviously not his actual intended meaning.
---------------------------------
Gore announces his 08 candidacy!
Gore stated emphatically that he is not running for office, ever
again.
---------------------------------
BREAKING: You have to read this!
There's nothing breaking. You don't have to read this.
---------------------------------
Ten reasons why the GOP will lose in 06
Five or six reasons why the GOP will lose in 06.
---------------------------------
What the Democrats need to win
John Kerry sucks.
---------------------------------
Proof that the Republicans are crumbling
I was standing in line at the post office and I overheard a Republican talking about his dissatisfaction with Bush.
---------------------------------
Bush's numbers hit all time record low
Bush's numbers are still hovering around where they've been for the past few months.
---------------------------------
Liberals applaud terror strike in Tikrit
I'm having a dinner party tomorrow evening and I need some recipes.
---------------------------------
Bush nominates crony for Supreme Court
A brief news synopsis for those just returning from Mars.
---------------------------------
Did anyone see WWF Smackdown last night?
Sorry, I'm totally lost. I thought this was alt.tv.pro-wrestling.
---------------------------------
The real deal with the Plame investigation
I have no fucking clue what's happening with the Plame investigation.
---------------------------------
Democrats need to learn to take action
Hold on a sec while I hit the snack machine. All this web surfing makes me hungry.
---------------------------------
This is my final diary on DailyKos
This is my first diary on DailyKos.
---------------------------------
Why I'm an atheist
Why I posses a devout, unwavering belief in something that cannot be proven.
---------------------------------
Why I'm religious
Why I reject organized religion and all its tenets.
---------------------------------
Please stop with the God diaries!
Please continue with the God diaries.
---------------------------------
My plan for winning in 08
I was hit on my head with a rock, and now I think I'm the strategic planner for the Democratic party.
---------------------------------
Why I support Dean for president
My watch is running 18 months slow.
---------------------------------
The Democrats need to body-slam Bush
Sorry, I'm totally lost. I thought this was alt.tv.pro-wrestling.
---------------------------------
We need to stop calling for Bush's impeachment
We need to abandon the very concept of justice. It's just not practical.
---------------------------------
Bono to raise money for Santorum
I've never heard of fact-checking.
---------------------------------
Zackpunk wastes our time with another dumb, satirical diary.
OK, that title translates literally.

Couldn't stop laughing!

DavidNYC suggests we add this one:

The Rosetta Stone for Diary Titles
This diary won't actually unlock any secrets for newcomers - it will only entertain long-time readers.

Too funny!