"Conserva-kangaroos" rule Conservapedia

Alex Beam at The Boston Globe takes a look at Conservapedia and finds out some neat stuff:

Conservapedia is just like Wikipedia, except that its 11,000 entries read like they were personally vetted by Pat Robertson and the 700 Club. Fed up with Wikipedia's purported liberal bias, Conservapedia's founder, Andrew Schlafly, son of conservative activist Phyllis Schlafly, has created "an encyclopedia you can trust."

And you can trust them, to give you some pretty loopy definitions. Their entry on kangaroos, for instance, says that, "like all modern animals . . . kangaroos are the descendants of the two founding members of the modern kangaroo baramin that were taken aboard Noah's Ark prior to the Great Flood."

You may not recognize the word "baramin." It's a 20th-century creationist neologism that refers to the species God placed on earth during Creation Week. Special for kids: I wouldn't use that word on the biology final. Although maybe your parents could sue the local school board for failing to teach the Book of Genesis in science class.

More on Conserva-kangaroos: "After the Flood, these kangaroos bred from the Ark passengers migrated to Australia. There is debate whether this migration happened over land with lower sea levels during the post-flood ice age, or before the supercontinent of Pangea broke apart, or if they rafted on mats of vegetation torn up by the receding flood waters."

You can't make this stuff up, although Sadly, No! had to point out that they didn't make up the entry on unicorns when they posted about it in February. From Sadly, No!:

This entry is real:

"The existence of unicorns is controversial. Secular opinion is that they are mythical. However, they are referred to in the Bible nine times,[1] which provides an unimpeachable de facto argument for their once having been in existence."

Did I mention you can't make this stuff up?

Beam, the Globe columnist, had some fun proposing a definition for his newspaper:

The Boston Globe: A newspaper/Communist front organization, long known as "Pravda on the Charles." [See: New York Times; "Izvestiya on the Hudson."] Mouthpiece for Senators Ted Kennedy, Jean Kerry, and Godless Harvard. Pro-abortion; pro-gay marriage; pro-gun control. Featured writers: Jeff Jacoby, others.

Sounds about right. For Conservapedia, that is.

The conservative "brand" is about finished. It's jumped the shark so many times that The Fonz has a ski rash, and Joni has divorced Chachi -- twice. It's now 1979 and Ralph is in rehab. Mr. Cunningham went broke in a failed time share investment. It's all over, except for the dedicated 28 percenters, who sit steadfastly by their televisions every Friday night, hoping against hope for one more good episode, but everyone else is watching "Dallas."