Offering frequent news and analysis from the majestic Evergreen State and beyond, The Cascadia Advocate is the Northwest Progressive Institute's unconventional perspective on world, national, and local politics.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

A sincere thank you... to Republicans

The Oregon Republican Party must be mistaken. They seem to think that it's Thanksgiving, even though November happens to be half a year away. In the spirit of that holiday, they're rolling out new ads thanking themselves for being defenders of the common good and protectors of the common wealth.

Who knew?

And, no this isn't an April Fool's joke. Read the ads they've scripted (and are apparently preparing to film) for yourself, in which the GOP pats itself on the back for a series of major progressive accomplishments in American history.

Since they're in the mood for gratitude, we at the Northwest Progressive Institute would like to thank the Republican Party ourselves.

Thank you for making sure our children and grandchildren have to pay down the debt you created. What have future generations ever done for us, anyway?

Thank you for all of the fearmongering about people who are different than us. You've managed to recruit more terrorists than Osama bin Laden.

Thank you for shredding the Constitution, torture, eroding our civil liberties and listening to our phone calls. Who needs habeas corpus anyway?

Thanks for going after the oil in Iraq. Without you, Halliburton might have had an average year.

Since we're on the topic of Iraq, thank you for bringing peace and democracy there. Looks like it's working out well.

Thank you for deregulation. Without it, CEOs might have lived in poverty and working people don't need pensions anyway.

Thanks also for the K Street Project. You could have gotten millions more if you put "For Sale" signs up in front of the White House and the U.S. Capitol.

Thank you for giving Wall Street the thumbs-up while they closed down our factories and reassembled them overseas.

And finally, thanks for trade policy without environmental or labor protections. Because we certainly don't need fresh air to breathe, clean water to drink, the use of all of our limbs, or even the restfulness of a good night's sleep.


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